Observations of a Reluctant Bachelorette


They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder. This is most definitely true in my case, but I’ve also found that absence makes the heart grow weirder. Case in point – I was feeling really blue last night. It was around 9:20, the girls were in bed, there was nothing on TV, nothing new to read online, and I was tired from the previous night’s bout with insomnia. Plus I miss Carl. I really, really, REALLY miss Carl. (I don’t mean to guilt trip you, honey.) So I decided the best thing to do was get ready for bed, watch the news, watch Leno, then go to sleep. I went upstairs and, because I had nothing better to do, I started poking around in the bathroom vanity drawers looking for toenail clippers. However, what I found was one of Carl’s deodorant sticks. Trust me, he took deodorant with him; he asked me to buy him a new stick for the trip. But here was a nearly used up stick, right next to the needed toenail clippers. And I realize this is going to sound gross, but I opened the deodorant stick and took a couple of great big whiffs. I know, EEWWWW!!! But think about it. Carl never uses cologne or after shave, but he does use a nicely scented deodorant that gives him a distinct and very pleasant aroma, especially in the morning. So snorting Carl’s deodorant was like catching his scent early in the morning, right after the bathroom door opens and he comes out ready for work. This actually cheered me up, and I had a smile on my face as I clipped my toenails.

Snorting deodorant is not nearly as gross as taking the dog to the vet for his spring checkup. I suppose the trip could have been worse. Judah just had a bath Sunday, so he didn’t smell bad. (I guess if he did I could grease him down with some of Carl’s deodorant.) Anyway, the nastiest part of the spring checkup is the lab test for intestinal parasites. For those of you who’ve ever owned dogs, you know what this means. For the rest of you, testing for parasites requires you to go outside with a plastic baggie and find the freshest possible sample of dog doo, scoop a piece into the baggie, tie the bag shut and take it to the vet. This is NOT a pleasant scent. Add to that the difficulty of driving down a major U.S. highway with a hyper 100 pound dog pacing in the back seat of your pickup. (Don’t worry, honey. I covered the seat with a cotton dropcloth.) There is good news, however. Judah has no intestinal parasites, and he was well behaved for the vet. He didn’t even struggle when the vet assistant wrapped him up so the vet could take a blood sample from his leg to test for heartworms. The bad news is, the checkup and three months worth of preventative medicines cost almost $140. That’s cheaper than treating him for disease, though.

So, I was in a good mood when we left the vet’s office. The dog’s healthy, the sun’s shining even though its cold, the girls got to their buses on time again, etc. Life is good, I’m thinking, so I’m going to take a small gamble and go to the Taco John’s drive through and get some lunch. I mean, the worst thing that could happen is Judah jumping into the front seat in a vain attempt to get my food. But, as they say in the Old Country, alles gut. Judah stayed in the back seat. He stuck his nose out the window when I got my food, and he licked me once on the cheek when I was mooching potato oles from the bag, but that was it. Oh, and he did try a sympathy ploy – he laid down in the back seat and put his head on the center console. I could see him out of the corner of my eye, looking up at me serenely, doing the soleful eye routine. Didn’t work. All he got for his effort was a pat on the head and, when we got home, two milk bones to bribe him into going into the back yard.

So, that’s it. All that is left to do today is take Mary to the school at 5 pm and sign her up for softball. Her friend Kelsey is going to play, so Mary wants to, too, also. I hope it warms up soon so I can take Mary outside and start teaching her some softball playing techniques.

You know, like how NOT to hit the ball through one of our windows.


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