Opening music: Wagner’s Ride of the Valkyries
Players: Judah as Elmer Fudd (EF) Rotten Rodent as Bugs Bunny (BB)
The setting: The perennial bulb bed in front of my porch
EF: Kill the waaabit! Kill the waaabit!
That rotten little rodent has been in my flower bed again, nibbling on the “hen and chicks” plants that I have been trying to get established. I’ve been trying for TWO YEARS. They’d grow faster if they weren’t being eaten. At least the little bugger hasn’t bothered my irises. However, my tulips aren’t coming back this year. Last year they were beautiful, but this year, maybe one blossom, otherwise nothing. Stupid flower-eating rabbit.
EF: With my spear and magic hel-mutt
BB: Magic helmet?
EF: Magic hel-mutt!
BB (sarcastically): Magic helmet.
A-ha! I see you, vermin. I can’t get you now because I’m driving Hannah to the bus stop. But just wait until I get back.
EF: …. and I’ll give you a sample!
I’m back. The rabbit is still by my flower bed, but I’ve got a surprise for him. I go to the back door of the garage, stuff Judah’s chain leash in my sweatshirt pouch, open the door and grab Judah by the collar as he comes in. I tell him “Shhh! Easy, boy!” as we sneak through the garage and into the front yard. Stealthily we round my flower bed, and then Judah sees the rabbit. I let go of the collar and yell, “Get him, boy! Get him!”
EF: Oh Bwunehilde, you’re so wovely!
The rabbit takes off. Judah takes off. I run around to the west side of the house in time to see Judah disappear around the north side of the Cejka’s house. I call him back. He comes immediately. I put him on the chain leash and lead him to the back yard. I send him back out with a giant Milk Bone clenched in his jaws.
BB: Yes I know it. I can’t help it.
If only the Milk Bone was that stupid rabbit. Oh, well. I’m going to Menard’s tonight. I’ll just get a bottle of rabbit repellant spray.
Until next time, rabbit…
BB: What did you expect in an opera, a happy ending?