Insomniac Blatherskite

Carl is off on a business trip this week. No, not Brazil, but a place that’s almost as dangerous and evil – Iowa City, liberal black hole and home of the University of Iowa. This is a town that could really use a high-quality campus minister. (hint hint, John!)

Anyway. Carl is at CBAP, which he says means Collins Business Acquisition Program. When he told me he was going, I started thinking up other things that CBAP could stand for, like:

Canadian Beer Acquisition Program
Could Be Another Problem
Can’t Beat Adversity, Period
Challenged By Anal-retentive People

Help in coming up with other CBAP’s would be appreciated.

But I digress. So Carl’s off to Hawkeyeland, stuck in the Sheraton Hotel (poor baaaaaby!) with a bunch of other wild and crazy Collins guys, and it’s their job to brainstorm ways to beat the everlivin’ aeronautics marketplace snot out of Honeywell, their main competitor. And I am at home, holding down the fort with two girls who think their main mission in life is to get me to laugh so hard Pepsi comes spewing out my nose. For example:

Last night we were watching TV, and the commercial for the Smart Spin storage system came on. I hate that commercial because I think the Smart Spin is a big waste of money. It may be a completely useful item for someone, but not me, and the girls know it. So the commercial comes on, and I mutter for the zillionth time, “I don’t need that thing. My house is organized just fine.” Then I think I must have said something about intellectually challenged people buying it, because Hannah pipes up and says, “Yeah, I’d never marry anybody that stupid.” Mary added, “Me neither!” and I about fell out of my chair laughing. Maybe you just had to be there. (My apologies to anyone considering buying the Smart Spin. I don’t mean to denigrate your cerebral capacity. Really!)

And tonight, getting the girls ready for bed, Mary was acting up; wiggling, falling out of bed on purpose, that kind of thing. I told her to stop, that she was a smart girl and she knew better than to do that. I said, “You know you’re a smart kid, right?” And she wrinkles her nose and says reluctantly, “Yeah”. I pat her on the behind and say, “That’s my girl!” Then she says in a sarcastic voice “Big fat hairy deal.” I didn’t know seven year olds could BE that sarcastic. But I was laughing really hard. Again, maybe you just had to be there.

But whenever Carl goes out of town I get insomnia. Last night I had it really bad, and I’m not looking forward to tonight because I can already tell I won’t sleep well. I’m tired but I don’t feel sleepy, and every little creak in the house makes me jump. I can’t wait until Thursday, when Carl gets home.

Then maybe…. I….. can………zzzzzzzzzzzzzz………………………..

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